Bidvenkom is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, staggering goblin.

Bidvenkom created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bidvenkom, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bidvenkom, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bidvenkom's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Bidvenkom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bidvenkom.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not dye your hair mauve.