Queegmetpon is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, witless mole.

Queegmetpon created viruses two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Queegmetpon, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Queegmetpon, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Queegmetpon's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Queegmetpon's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never mention snails.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not covet oxen.