Hitgabxuc is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, selfish gorilla.

Hitgabxuc created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitgabxuc, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hitgabxuc, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Hitgabxuc's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Hitgabxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill whales.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Feed all hungry badgers.

4. Do not eat garlic.

5. Never run in holy places.