Damfutmis is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, uncaring jaguar.

Damfutmis created a charm quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Damfutmis, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Damfutmis, she will turn you into a duck.

Damfutmis' most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Damfutmis' Holy Commandments

1. Never wear turquoise scarves.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Damfutmis.

3. Always make sure there are no cats in a room before entering it.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Do not shave your neck.