Bottarkom is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, pitiless hedgehog.

Bottarkom created a top quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bottarkom, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bottarkom, she will turn you into a rat.

Bottarkom's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Bottarkom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

2. You must love Bottarkom.

3. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never eat parsnips.