Pontofquill is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, deceitful wasp.

Pontofquill created a Higgs boson seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pontofquill, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Pontofquill, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Pontofquill's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Pontofquill's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always look after injured sheep.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pontofquill.

4. Do not eat melons.

5. Feed all hungry hamsters.