Loopbestwikvag is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, selfish cobra.

Loopbestwikvag created Mount Everest five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loopbestwikvag, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Loopbestwikvag, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Loopbestwikvag's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Loopbestwikvag's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never mention porpoises.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Run away if seven seals approach from the east.