Nadbotken Nartrakpon is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, egotistical fairy.

Nadbotken Nartrakpon created Asia eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nadbotken Nartrakpon, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nadbotken Nartrakpon, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Nadbotken Nartrakpon's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Nadbotken Nartrakpon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

4. Nadbotken Nartrakpon loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not dye your hair indigo.