Fomtonkfem is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, clever goose.

Fomtonkfem created an up quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fomtonkfem, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fomtonkfem, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Fomtonkfem's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Fomtonkfem's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear violet.

2. Eagles are not to be trusted.

3. Hide if three squirrels approach from the south.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. You must pray to Fomtonkfem four times a day.