Hivstafvogtonk is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, humane bee.

Hivstafvogtonk created viruses seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hivstafvogtonk, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hivstafvogtonk, he will destroy your favourite star.

Hivstafvogtonk's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Hivstafvogtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not speak about rice.

3. Always help sick goats.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Retreat if four badgers approach from the north.