Zimjabstik is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, selfish salamander.

Zimjabstik created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimjabstik, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Zimjabstik, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Zimjabstik's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Zimjabstik's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not wear gold on your body.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Zimjabstik.

5. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.