Jonnibvenbog is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, unsympathetic naga.

Jonnibvenbog created dark matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonnibvenbog, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jonnibvenbog, she will torture you forever.

Jonnibvenbog's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Jonnibvenbog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Always obey Jonnibvenbog's priests.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never wear jumpers.

5. Always help ants.