Jophotleg Cipcinbarn is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, cheerful dove.

Jophotleg Cipcinbarn created a Higgs boson seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Jophotleg Cipcinbarn, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jophotleg Cipcinbarn, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Jophotleg Cipcinbarn's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Jophotleg Cipcinbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Foxes are not to be trusted.

2. Do not eat beans.

3. Never bounce in holy places.

4. Always wear black.

5. Do not covet oxen.