Nurtmifbem Cipjenkan is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, irritating wyrm.

Nurtmifbem Cipjenkan created the Milkyway nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtmifbem Cipjenkan, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nurtmifbem Cipjenkan, he will be very sad.

Nurtmifbem Cipjenkan's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Nurtmifbem Cipjenkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Feed all hungry tortoises.

4. Do not eat peas.

5. Never hurt grasshopers.