Hakcussraw is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, compassionate ferret.

Hakcussraw created the Small Magellanic Cloud three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakcussraw, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Hakcussraw, he will be very unhappy.

Hakcussraw's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Hakcussraw's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Hakcussraw nine times a day.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not hurt snails.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

5. Do not wear nickel on your body.