Tarplarpvan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, strong goat.

Tarplarpvan created the Small Magellanic Cloud three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarplarpvan, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tarplarpvan, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Tarplarpvan's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Tarplarpvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh near hamsters.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Ants are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never hurt dolphins.

5. Always help sick capybaras.