Batrulmin is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, dishonest spider.

Batrulmin created vertebrates six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batrulmin, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Batrulmin, she will have a low opinion of you.

Batrulmin's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Batrulmin's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat carrots.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Batrulmin.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Batrulmin loves birds, so they must be honoured.