Lamwonstig is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, dishonest lobster.

Lamwonstig created the universe eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamwonstig, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lamwonstig, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Lamwonstig's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Lamwonstig's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry frogs.

2. Do not dye your hair fawn.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

4. Never write about stars.

5. Never talk about asteroids.