Xinmisstragtif Fatbancar Xuckflignab is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, calm narwhal.

Xinmisstragtif Fatbancar Xuckflignab created an up quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xinmisstragtif Fatbancar Xuckflignab, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Xinmisstragtif Fatbancar Xuckflignab, it will torture you forever.

Xinmisstragtif Fatbancar Xuckflignab's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Xinmisstragtif Fatbancar Xuckflignab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never talk about turtles.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Xinmisstragtif Fatbancar Xuckflignab must be the most important thing in your life.