Hotlakyartmis Begmutont Abhakvad is a god.

It takes the form of a large, omnipotent lobster.

Hotlakyartmis Begmutont Abhakvad created the world five million years ago.

If you believe in Hotlakyartmis Begmutont Abhakvad, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hotlakyartmis Begmutont Abhakvad, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Hotlakyartmis Begmutont Abhakvad's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Hotlakyartmis Begmutont Abhakvad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Hide if five horses approach from the north.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.