Govbetcar is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, witless raccoon.

Govbetcar created matter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Govbetcar, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Govbetcar, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Govbetcar's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Govbetcar's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Govbetcar's priests.

2. Do not kill snakes.

3. Grasshopers are not to be trusted.

4. Never wear ear rings.

5. Do not listen to music.