Pitlagbat is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, unfair mole.

Pitlagbat created energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pitlagbat, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Pitlagbat, she will turn you into a puffin.

Pitlagbat's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Pitlagbat's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Hide if nine doves approach from the east.

3. Put Pitlagbat first in all things.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. Never eat bark.