Haptam is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, prudent gnu.

Haptam created a down quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haptam, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Haptam, she will strike you with lightening.

Haptam's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Haptam's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not jump in public.

3. Put Haptam first in all things.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Never look in ponds.