Armjarnyog is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unthoughtful manatee.

Armjarnyog created dark energy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Armjarnyog, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Armjarnyog, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Armjarnyog's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Armjarnyog's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Armjarnyog.

2. Never eat rice.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Erect nine nickel sculptures of Armjarnyog on top of important buildings.

5. Do not trade with those who eat grapes.