Stafappvencim is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, competent coyote.

Stafappvencim created a top quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Stafappvencim, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Stafappvencim, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Stafappvencim's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Stafappvencim's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your head violet.

2. Worship no other gods but Stafappvencim.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate hamsters.

4. Erect seven copper sculptures of Stafappvencim on top of important buildings.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.