Quamjatxem Sakcabvog is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, tiresome hippopotamus.

Quamjatxem Sakcabvog created everything that exists five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamjatxem Sakcabvog, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Quamjatxem Sakcabvog, he will turn you into a puffin.

Quamjatxem Sakcabvog's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Quamjatxem Sakcabvog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never bounce near dolphins.

5. Do not make images of living things.