Jonfemveen is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unthoughtful squirrel.

Jonfemveen created oxygen two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonfemveen, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jonfemveen, he will turn you into a hamster.

Jonfemveen's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Jonfemveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of swans.

2. Jonfemveen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Hide from magenta mice for they are unholy.

4. Never sing in holy places.

5. Respect your elders.