Arffumstik is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, all-powerful pigeon.

Arffumstik created Mount Everest seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arffumstik, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Arffumstik, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Arffumstik's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Arffumstik's Holy Commandments

1. Put Arffumstik first in all things.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never wear turquoise shorts.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not stand on grass.