Monyartzakhakyatpadcisslat is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, slow mongoose.

Monyartzakhakyatpadcisslat created a bottom quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Monyartzakhakyatpadcisslat, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Monyartzakhakyatpadcisslat, she will turn you into a plant.

Monyartzakhakyatpadcisslat's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Monyartzakhakyatpadcisslat's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Monyartzakhakyatpadcisslat loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.