Kipsandbarnvon is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, almighty clam.

Kipsandbarnvon created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kipsandbarnvon, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kipsandbarnvon, it will turn you into a mole.

Kipsandbarnvon's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Kipsandbarnvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never eat onions.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Kipsandbarnvon.

5. Never sit near snakes.