Hugflamqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, idiotic fairy.

Hugflamqueeg created snails nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hugflamqueeg, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hugflamqueeg, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Hugflamqueeg's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Hugflamqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat swans with great respect.

2. Never mention geese.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Always make sure there are no rats in a building before entering it.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.