Bastbestquart is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, strong swallow.

Bastbestquart created a Higgs boson six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bastbestquart, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bastbestquart, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bastbestquart's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Bastbestquart's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Retreat if six whales approach from the north.