Bifhapsom is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, selfish pig.

Bifhapsom created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bifhapsom, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bifhapsom, she will turn you into a worm.

Bifhapsom's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Bifhapsom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always help sick voles.

4. You must love Bifhapsom.

5. Do not listen to music.