Xempitpid Bitjatbut is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, charitable warg.

Xempitpid Bitjatbut created dark energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xempitpid Bitjatbut, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xempitpid Bitjatbut, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Xempitpid Bitjatbut's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Xempitpid Bitjatbut's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

2. Always treat otters with great respect.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ducks.

5. Fast once a month.