Gubsandfum is a god.

She takes the form of a small, merciless gorilla.

Gubsandfum created a Higgs boson seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gubsandfum, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gubsandfum, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Gubsandfum's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Gubsandfum's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Run away from yellow tortoises, for they are unholy.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not speak about figs.