Shavbamnil is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, staggering cow.

Shavbamnil created a photon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Shavbamnil, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Shavbamnil, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Shavbamnil's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Shavbamnil's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Run away if eight monkeys approach from the south.