Quamzogxem is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, fast alligator.

Quamzogxem created time and space three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quamzogxem, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Quamzogxem, it will turn you into a slug.

Quamzogxem's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Quamzogxem's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured gulls.

2. Always wear turquoise.

3. Worship no other gods but Quamzogxem.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

5. Do not wear gold on your body.