Tailjinfem is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, unjust turtle.

Tailjinfem created the planet Saturn four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tailjinfem, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tailjinfem, she will turn you into a plant.

Tailjinfem's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tailjinfem's Holy Commandments

1. Tailjinfem loves swans, so they must be respected.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Squirrels are not to be trusted.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always pray immersed in water.