Narkomcar is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, boastful rat.

Narkomcar created light four billion years ago.

If you believe in Narkomcar, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Narkomcar, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Narkomcar's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Narkomcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear green tights.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never jump near dolphins.

4. Never feed coconuts to porpoises while wearing yellow jumpers.

5. Do not speak about peas.