Bitjatbud is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, deceitful giraffe.

Bitjatbud created the Sun seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitjatbud, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bitjatbud, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bitjatbud's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Bitjatbud's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three titanium sculptures of Bitjatbud on top of important buildings.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Do not eat bread.