Dissdubnurtgess is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, witty octopus.

Dissdubnurtgess created the universe two years ago.

If you believe in Dissdubnurtgess, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Dissdubnurtgess, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Dissdubnurtgess' most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Dissdubnurtgess' Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never sit in the presence of gulls.

3. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not take Dissdubnurtgess' name in vain.

5. Never talk about porpoises.