Kiktafflan is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, omniscient fish.

Kiktafflan created a photon two million years ago.

If you believe in Kiktafflan, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kiktafflan, he will boil you in a big pot.

Kiktafflan's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Kiktafflan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from turquoise shrews, for they are unholy.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not take Kiktafflan's name in vain.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.