Tettipanjig is a god.

She takes the form of a small, benevolent yak.

Tettipanjig created a charm quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettipanjig, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tettipanjig, she will turn you into a sheep.

Tettipanjig's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Tettipanjig's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry mites.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not eat wheat.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Do not cook food in pots.