Cutlikarp Gepmegxuc is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, temperamental unicorn.

Cutlikarp Gepmegxuc created everything that exists three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cutlikarp Gepmegxuc, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Cutlikarp Gepmegxuc, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cutlikarp Gepmegxuc's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Cutlikarp Gepmegxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat squirrels with great respect.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Run away from turquoise otters, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

5. Always stare at clouds.