Loptappad is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, sapient dragon.

Loptappad created a down quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Loptappad, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Loptappad, she will manifest in front of you.

Loptappad's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Loptappad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from purple voles for they are unholy.

2. Never feed bread to cats while wearing green boots.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Erect nine aluminium sculptures of Loptappad on top of important buildings.

5. Never look at comets.