Kikmapbaddabcutpangyim is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, awesome hippopotamus.

Kikmapbaddabcutpangyim created everything that exists five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kikmapbaddabcutpangyim, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kikmapbaddabcutpangyim, it will turn you into a dog.

Kikmapbaddabcutpangyim's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Kikmapbaddabcutpangyim's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention sharks.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Always obey Kikmapbaddabcutpangyim's priests.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not sing in public.