Fottapkik is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, generous ferret.

Fottapkik created a Higgs boson eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fottapkik, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fottapkik, she will be very sad.

Fottapkik's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Fottapkik's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always obey Fottapkik's priests.