Vabarncipquill is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witty badger.

Vabarncipquill created the planet Venus five billion years ago.

If you believe in Vabarncipquill, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vabarncipquill, she will send minions to preach to you.

Vabarncipquill's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Vabarncipquill's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not eat pineapples.

5. Do not drink alcohol.