Cudponcud is a god.

He takes the form of a small, blissful porpoise.

Cudponcud created carbon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cudponcud, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Cudponcud, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Cudponcud's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Cudponcud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill dolphins.

2. Never hurt snails.

3. Do not take Cudponcud's name in vain.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cudponcud.