Hitvagteen is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, awesome yak.

Hitvagteen created water eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitvagteen, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hitvagteen, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Hitvagteen's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Hitvagteen's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear green.

2. Do not take Hitvagteen's name in vain.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never bounce near tapirs.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.